I have depression with bipolar tendencies and last year I kept lying to mental health professionals about other symptoms because I have these paranoid conspiracies that they are plotting against me. I fear that my other paranoid theory may be far more valid within rationale: I'm actually lying because my brain doesn't want to get better from whatever is wrong with it.
Throughout the lot of my depression, I have been often told by others (by those who are not aware of their own emotional ailments) that my suffering is a concious decision that I am making. That through my depression, I am seeking attention from those around me. This is an ableist argument that disregards the severity, and yes I dare say, the necessity of this suffering.
Even if the ableists are right and my suffering of mental illness is my choice, they must feel privileged in thinking that their choice is the natural one. If I am making the choice to be crazy, than so be it. It is my choice to make and you have no clue what fought me here. Everyday there are demons trying to eat my spirit. That is not something I can just get over.
