Questions

What the fuck am I even trying to break through?

I keep wanting and wishing

hoping to “open up”

but what does that even mean?

What am I closed off to?

What am I hiding?

What do I care?

Like what is the definition of unaffected?

Does it mean unable?

Does it mean hard

despite being squishy.

Despite having sunk my own hands into my skin and yanking out my guts letting that shit spill up and over.

What does it mean to keep distant?

Does despondency truly exist

when I am and always have been

right here waiting?

I know of nothing else but myself so why is it so hard to be myself?